my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
