Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
