Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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