you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
