I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
