woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
