he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
