Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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