I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
