Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
