which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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