hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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