I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
