He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just fell off a train. Bad.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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