the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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