There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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