i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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