I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
