Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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