he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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