First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
