I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
