He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
