I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
