I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
