It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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