the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
