Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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