well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
