I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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