Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
