where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
