Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
