I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
someone owes me an orgasm
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
