So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
