Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we made out on top of his cat.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
