he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
