batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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