you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
