Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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