All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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