It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
