I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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