I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
