Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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