Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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