I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
