i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
