Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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