I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
