well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
