last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
