WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
