Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
