Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
