TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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