I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
