i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
